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Alwy
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Alwy
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005 Hey guys.. Here i come n update my blog. Well,alot of things hv happen to mi in which i felt very lost n helpless. My tears jus keep dropping non-stop. As in drop every min every sec when i tot abt the things.. U guys might tink its a small matter but it reali matter to mi.. I jus dunoe how to write out my prob too. I reali wana tok to sm1 even not regarding to my prob.. I jus wana find sm1 whom i can tok to.. I jus wana say everything tt kept in my heart lor..Anything man.. I jus wan a listening ear..N most propably a shoulder for mi to lean on plus a warm hug.. I would reali feel great man..As in it will at least make mi feel more secured n comfortable. I jus dunoe who to turn to even thru msn,sms,fone or thru person lor. I'm totally dunoe what to do now.. I oso dunoe what am i thinking abt too.. I jus feel very vexed.. Cry immediately when i tink abt tt matter or look at my hp pic.. Besides tt,i reali feel very sick,tired n stress.. Smtimes,i reali feel like giving up on myself or the things tt i planned to do or the things tt i am doing now... Oh well.. i am crying now while i am writing up tis post. Perhaps u guys cnt reali feel e same way as i do now..cos no one reali noe e feeling except mi.. How pityful i am rite? When i am in sch,i kept constantly trying my best to buck up my studies. During lessons,i tried to pay as attentive as possible. In tis way,i will be able to understand n helped greatly when i am doin my hmwk etc.. Besides tt,i oso tried to do finish all my hmwk in sch b4 i go hm. In tis way,i can relax even more at hm.. However,i oways get accussed by my parents tt i nv study sia. I oways stay bk aft sch till very late for my self-revision etc leh. They jus dunoe. No matter how hard i tried to explain,they dun believe n kept scolding non-stop. Do u noe how hurt anot? As in i reali feel very very hurt tis time sia. The trust tt my parent hv in mi hv faded.. Is it cause of mi? Perhaps its reali my fault. I hv been gg out all e times n i didnt reach hm early too. I oways let my parents wry tt i might encounter any danger or even hang out wit e wrong grp of frens sia. Well,i fully understand how they felt n i reali do..!! I got put myself in their shoes n tink over these days. Is jus tt i dun reali noe how to express myself even in a simple word.. I jus dunoe.. All i do is to keep silent..As in nv tok,nv smile n kept dazin in sch n at hm too.. Well,i do noe when my fren n teacher saw mi like tis,they will oso find my action weird n would like to noe what happen to mi too.. I noe they r concerning abt mi n i oso noe they loves mi too.. Is jus tt out of e sudden,i jus feel sth is lost.. My goals,my dream n everything tt i wanted to do seems to go nowhere.. Even mi myself dun even noe where hv it been!! I dun even noe what hv i been doin lately too..I dun even noe what am i thinking abt these days.. Dunoe tis n tt.. :'( I'm losing my freedom too. I canot go anytime i want oreadi. Its all my fault. I shouldnt blame anyone but myself rite? Will it affect my relationship wit my frens in sch n outside? N will my idols forget mi too? My family dun even bothered but my studies. They dun even bothered abt my talents.. They dun even allow mi to focused on my interests,my passion. Its so sad tt even my dearest n closest kin dun even support the things tt i wanted to do.. But my fren.. They fully gif mi their greatest support on the things tt i do sia. Sign.. I reali reali hope everything can turn bk sia..To where i make my mistakes 1st time.. On the other hand,i hope i can grow up faster. In tis way,i can concentrate wkin hard..Earn more money!! Wit e money,i can go for make over n hv a great change in my overall image.. Besides tt,i can oso buy the things tt i wanted to buy too..But most importantly,i wana sign up for vocal,composing n dance course lor. I dun even mind attending these course while i am studying n wkin at e same time. I dun even mind if i cant go out as often anymore cos i do believe my fren will understand e reasons for wkin so hard. right guys? Anyway i should reali stop here.. I'm jus feeling damn low. No mood to do anything!! My best fren r getting worried abt mi.. But i oways smile to em whenever they call my name. Tis is not to let em wry so much or bothered abt mi.. Am i doin the right thing? :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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